Bag Lady

“Bag Lady, you gon hurt yo back,

Dragging all them bags like that,

I guess nobody ever told you

All you must hold on to,

Is YOU, IS YOU” –Erykah Badu, Bag Lady

When I first heard this song, I had no idea the message behind it.  I loved it though, it’s one of my favorite tunes to sing along to.  I recently moved and realized that I was starting to become a BAG LADY, an undercover emotional hoarder.  This move was very significant for me. I was in that place for 3 years so you can imagine the memories and emotions that were attached to 123 Memory Lane.  I was going through my personal items while unpacking, trying to decide what I needed to throw away.  I sat in the floor for about an hour reading old cards, looking at pics, souvenirs, and other memorabilia.   It was a really hard decision to throw away all those things that represented periods of love, fun, and lifelong memories.  In the end, I said eff it and threw it all in the trash.

I hate throwing things away because I feel that I will need it somewhere down the line or because it’s a reminder of a past event.  A few weeks ago at church, the pastor said something that made me walk down the aisle for alter prayer.  You know when you been holding something in and your chest is hurting because your pride won’t let you acknowledge that you are human and have emotions?? Yea, that feeling.  All he simply said was, “you’ve got to release the past to receive the promise of the future”.  It hit home.  So at the end of the service when he called folks down for prayer to let something go that you’ve been holding on to, I couldn’t let the moment pass.  I prayed and it was released.

Unfortunately for a lot of people, it’s hard to let go.  We hold on to the pain of failed relationships, bad childhoods, absent parents, loss of loved ones and insecurities.  We hold on to what used to be.  “I remember when I used to do this, or when I was growing up…” We should not allow the past to have power over our future.  In doing so, we fail to receive the blessings of today.  How can you thoroughly enjoy life if you are constantly comparing it to yesterday?  I think we hoard these emotions in our minds and allow it to shape our outlook on the future, becoming bitter, regretful, and hopeless. 

“One Day all them bags gone get in your way. So pack light”

Like the song says, Pack light.  Don’t allow those events to define who you are today.  It’s ok to reflect and acknowledge the hurt or the feelings you experienced back then, but that’s where it ends.   Leave those bags where you found them. At some point, all that baggage will GET IN YOUR WAY and hinder you.  Think about the show hoarders: either you clean up and throw away the mess or get evicted. Whether it is a new relationship or a new job, at some point you will have to leave your past behind and step into your future.  All you need is you. Go out and create new memories.  What you feel you may have lost will come back to you.   

Here’s the link for the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqN0jsSeqPo

For my symbolic people, notice how the women in the video represent different issues.  I believe this is an ode to Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls choreopoem, where each poem was presented by 7 women in different colors, representing the issues they faced. 

Be blessed and let it go,

-grannyBee

We Are More

Saturday, August 9, 2014, 18 year old Mike Brown was shot multiple times by a police officer.  The officer’s version claims that Mike Brown physically assaulted the officer and tried to reach for his gun.  An eyewitness was interviewed on MSNBC and said that the officer tried to force Mike Brown into the police vehicle and held him as he fired a shot into his right side.  Mike Brown was shot a second time in the back after trying to run.  He raised his hands, pleading with the officer to stop shooting.  More shots were fired, and Mike Brown’s life ended. 

I wanted to scream when I saw this on Twitter Saturday evening.  I read news reports and knew the black Times New Roman font I was reading just didn’t make sense.  I thought about all the cases known and unknown during the past few years that my people have been killed for just being BLACK.   We’re gunned down for asking for help after an accident, walking home from the store, walking on the street to our grandmother’s home, breaking up a fight, and playing our music too “loud”.  We are beaten and humiliated for walking on the highway and the list goes on.  I hear and read about these cases and say a prayer, wondering what I can do to help prevent these tragedies.

Right now, I’m seriously torn.  I’m torn because every few weeks Black people are getting killed or beaten across the nation without any consequences.  But then, right in my backyard (literally) we are quickly eliminating ourselves.  I’m tired of waking up to alerts from the local news stations on my phone about a shooting in Richmond.  Just the other day, someone was killed about 5 minutes away from my home at an apartment complex.  I was looking at the homicide list in Virginia and so many of our young Black men are being killed over ignorance.  IGNORANCE.  Sunday, July 6, my 21 year old cousin was killed at a yard party in Amelia.  Over IGNORANCE.  About 2 years ago, my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend were gunned down in their home.  Over IGNORANCE.  On 1/1/06, my cousin and his young daughter were murdered in their home.  Over IGNORANCE.

In all of these situations, I feel like IGNORANCE is the common factor.  To police officers across the nation, that are sworn to “Protect” and “Serve”,   HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! What in the Sam Hell is going on with yall?  To my trigger happy, gun toting good citizens of the United States of America, not every Black person that plays loud music, wears a hoodie, or shows up at your door asking for help after an accident, is out to harm, rob, steal, destroy or kill you! (I think the Devil has that covered) And last, to my good Black folks.  My young brothers and sisters, it’s time to rise up.  It’s time we held our heads up and placed our crowns back on our heads.  It’s time we realize that we are more than that what the media portrays.  We are more than reality TV shows.  We are more than ass shots, Brazilian weaves, VIP sections, jail cells, prisons, foster homes, World Star Hip Hop videos, drug abuse, absent mothers and fathers, inner city schools, public housing, EBT cards.  We are more than drug dealers, thugs, twerkers, loud mouth bad asses, unwed mothers, and fatherless boys.   I say all that to say this:  we are more than the images that falsely represent us.  We are more than disproportionate statistics.  We must defy every label, stigma, and stereotype!  Whatever situation you’re going through, I promise if you seek help and want to, you can make it out.  If you feel this post doesn’t pertain to you, then I urge you to get involved.  Get involved in your communities, mentor a child, and please vote in your local elections.  If we heavily participate in local elections, we can put people in office that will address our issues and concerns and take action.  A lot of us do a lot of “fake caring”.   We’ll quickly throw up a tweet or Instagram post saying #smh #thisissosad #RIP.  Or some of yall real bold and will make a Meme or funny post for a few likes. Hashtags and Pictures are cool when it comes to civil rights issues, but it’s time to put in that real work and do your part!  #Butitismybusinesstho!

Look, honestly, I don’t have the answers.  I just want to be a part of the solution and not the problem.  I just can’t stand on the sidelines and watch this continue to happen.  Whether it’s the cops, trigger happy citizens, the government, or ourselves, we’ve got to do something!  I’m off my soapbox for now.

Peace,

-grannyBee

#RIP

De'Aris Lewis

Lewis and Rocana Casper

Brian Casper

Mike Brown

Oscar Grant

Trayvon Martin

Jordan Davis

Renisha McBride

Jonathan Ferrell

Sean Taylor

Eric Garner

Marty Cobb

And to the countless other victims of senseless, ignorant violence, i say RIP to you as well

#RIP to every single negative stereotype, bias, statistic, stigma, and image of African Americans 

Faux Vegan

I usually pack breakfast and lunch for work.  Usually, I'm pretty good about it but when I get busy I fail to do so.  I’ve been doing it for a while now and I’m telling you, my bank account thanks me.  I hadn't been to the grocery store lately so when I got up 7 days ago I had no clue what I would eat for the day.  I grabbed a container of Greek yogurt and headed out the door.  Somewhere between the ride to work and before lunch, I decided I wouldn't eat any meat that day.  I don’t know why I did it, but I announced to my coworkers that i wasn't eating any meat for a few days.

I’d say for 5 days out of the week I eat pretty healthy.  I tend to snack on chocolate chip cookies but mainly I’m a healthy eater (don’t judge me).   Almost every weekend since my birthday in May, I have been on the road on the weekends.  It’s hard to try and eat the way I normally do when I’m travelling.  It seems like something is always going on and food is almost always involved.  Why spend money when I can get a free home-cooked meal? Picture fried porkchops smothered in gravy, stringbeans cooked with ham hocks, my aunt’s famous Mac n cheese, or some fried chicken gizzards. (im country, yes) My excuse: “I don’t eat like this at home”.

I noticed that I was starting to get very tired again.  I was coming home taking naps for 90 minutes, trying to work out and feeling very fatigued, catching cramps, feeling bloated, etc.  I knew it was because my schedule was off.  Sometimes I wouldn’t make it to the store during the week and I would just grab something on the go, still trying to be as healthy as possible.  Once I decided I wouldn’t eat any meat for a few days, I really wanted to submerge myself into the vegan lifestyle for a few days.    I went to the nutritionist at my job a few months ago (FREE btw) and was given certain goals on how much protein, carbs, fat, and calories I should eat every day.  It’s not a diet but I began to understand how to eat.  She told me that I’m a very good eater but by looking at my goals every day I will know HOW to eat.  And yes, it’s been working when I actually follow it.  But this post isn’t about weight loss or dieting. 

I want to let you guys know the difference I have felt in these last 7 days since I have removed ALL meats from my diet.  I have not craved any meats and no I haven't been on the scale.  Like I said, my reasoning for this initially had nothing to do with weight loss.  (but hey, if it comes, I'm not one to Block the blessings of the Lord).  The first few days were difficult because I could only think of eating bread and pasta to fill me up.  That satisfied my carbs but I had to think about protein.  I went to a wedding, the bar, and a comedy show this past weekend and was able to successfully stick to my plan.  Day 6 was probably the 1^st day that I had a well balanced day of eating.  I went grocery shopping Sunday and bought veggie and black bean burgers and meatless chicken strips, for protein. I got my normal stuff, veggies, fruit, greek yogurt, almond milk, high fiber/protein cereal, eggs, etc.  I went to Zumba Monday night as well.  I hadn't worked out in a week so I dreaded going.  This aint your average Zumba class.  If you don’t believe me, hit me up on a Monday or Thursday night and I’ll prove it to you.  Surprisingly,  I was very energized.  I usually catch a meannnnnnn cramp across my stomach whenever I do an intense workout but I didn’t feel a thing tonight.  I was up at 4:30am that morning so I was anticipating a nap when I got home but I didn’t need it.  For dinner, I made the faux chicken strips and they shocked the hell out of me.  They were pretty darn good.  They taste just like chicken from the Chinese restaurants. (no offense).  I don’t feel as bloated as I have been and my energy has been up.  My digestive system is still getting used to my new diet but overall, I feel the changes.  For now, I will keep this up as long as I can.  I’m not trying to be inducted into the Vegan society but for now I will reap the benefits and update you all.   I've learned that to be Vegan actually means you don't consume or buy any products that are animal derived.  Sorry I cant give up eggs and my makeup so you see why i consider myself a "faux" Vegan.  There are entirely too many distinctions about vegetarians and I, for one, AM NOT HERE FOR THAT lol.  I am very proud of myself because I am treating this experience as an exercise to build discipline.  I wonder if I’m only noticing a difference b/c of the anticipation or am I really feeling a change.  Please feel free to give me food suggestions or leave any comments or questions.  

Here's the stir fry I made last night using the meat-less chicken strips:

the Gentle-man

On his 16th birthday, Karanja and his best friend were playing around with a gun they had found in their neighborhood.  His best friend pointed the gun at him jokingly and KJ got upset.

“Chill out, I know what I’m doing”, said his friend.

Telling KJ that it wasn't loaded, he pointed the gun at his own head and pulled the trigger,

killing himself,

in front of his best friend, on his 16th birthday.


When I first met KJ, I knew this brother had a testimony.  Accepting a job as an Economist for the city, he moved back to Richmond last year after receiving his Master’s from Savannah State.  We worked on several projects together and at the same time he was in the process of becoming a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity and was a mentor for Big Bro, Big Sis.  I thought I was a busy person but it seems KJ always had one up on me.  He always takes initiative and never slacks when we are involved in any projects for our organization.  I get inspired by people I see out here grinding, taking full advantage of the world.  One day we were editing a video we made and I blurted out, “Where do you get your drive from”.  If you know me, you know I talk a lot and I ask a lot of questions.  You can say I was being nosey but I wasn’t.  I wasn’t trying to get in his business but I just had to know what kept him motivated to handle and conquer so many responsibilities. I know my question caught him off guard, but being the gentleman he is, he laughed it off and simply replied, “long story”.  I didn’t press any further.



You wouldn’t know that KJ witnessed his best friend kill himself from the tailored suits he wears.  You wouldn’t guess that all of his role models when he was a boy sold drugs and resided in penitentiaries from his chivalrous mannerisms and the way he always holds the door for women.  You wouldn’t imagine that he was expelled from high school and even landed in a jail cell himself from the smile he that is always present on his face.  KJ told me that it was his mother, who constantly prayed for him that helped him overcome adversity and that he wants to be the role model that he desperately sought out as a kid.  After talking with KJ about his story, all I can say is, “That’s God”!  Today, I salute my friend Karanja and say that you ARE that role model for young men and continue to let your light shine.  We’re watching and its evident, Your Gift Looks Good on You.

-grannyBee

The Maverick

This guy Vernon.  Vernon and I attended VCU around the same time.  I used to see him quietly on the scene.  Our paths crossed again last year as we both were part of an 8 month development program at work.  Every class, Vernon was dressed as if he was about to shoot for GQ Magazine.  That boy was sharp.  I noticed a slightly older gentleman, equally dressed to the nines, was one of the leaders as well.  Lo and behold it was his damn daddy.  You could definitely tell that his style and demeanor were inherited.  

 What I found noteworthy about Vernon as the weeks went on was that he had an extremely strong work ethic.  He was recognized for having completed a rigourous IT program and receiving a promotion.  I believe there were only two African Americans in that particular program at the time.  (insert Plug for STEM education) Although he was quiet, I could tell that this young brother was on a mission.  Vernon graduated from VCU in 2012 with a degree in Information Systems.  Getting to college was one of his greatest challenges.  Having graduated high school at the age of 16, he was never focused on his schoolwork or putting any real effort into going to college.  Living in New York at the time, Vernon started working and was only concerned about getting money and acquiring material things. Drake and Trey Songs’ “Succesful” hook comes to mind here.  He was denied entrance at almost every college he applied to.  Afraid of letting his parents down who were both Virginia Union University alumni, he applied to VCU.  He was accepted but had to pay for his dorm and tuition out of pocket and maintain an A grade average.  It was only UP from there.  In the meantime Vernon pledged Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity and is a voulnteer Lacrosse coach for youth in DC.  

When you see Vernon, it’s evident that he invests a lot in himself and takes full advantage of every opportunity.  At some point, we all have to realize that we ARE more and HAVE more to offer if we just apply ourselves.  Vernon realized this early on and has been reaping the benefits of exceeding his potential.  As you probably guessed, Vernon said every man should have a well-tailored suit. I used to joke with my friend that Vernon never wore any socks with his loafers lol.  Once the winter hit, I noticed his pants were a little longer and his ankles were covered lol. (just kidding Vernon).  Today I #salute Vernon Howard who is well on his way.  You can follow him on Instagram @ mavr_1ck  .  

The Mayor

The “Mayor” I was thinking of a name to give this week’s #mcm and the “Mayor” popped up.  Funny how he has that listed in his bio on Instagram lol. Today’s #MCM is no other than my GUY and everybody else’s guy, Bruce Fields.  If you’re in Richmond, Atlanta, New York, America, etc, then you should know this guy or probably already do.  I met Bruce at VCU sometime between my freshman or sophomore year.  The one thing I have noticed and admired about Bruce is that he’s a well-connected man.  If it has anything to do with music, food, art, or fashion, he’s usually on the scene or a part of it. #HeGetsAround !  This man packs clubs for his birthday and his “hologram” makes frequent appearances in major cities in the US lol.

Bruce graduated from VCU and has experience as a brand marketer and associate producer.  He’s a member of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity, Co-Founder of the Connoisseur Magazine, Founder of the noBodies, and a supporter of the #47thHour project.  Every time I see Bruce, he always asks about what’s going in my life.  I saw Bruce one Saturday night at a friend’s house the day before he was leaving for New York for the umpteenth time.  We were joking, gossiping, and having a good time when the conversation changed into a more serious tone.  You know those moments when you just start talking about L.I.F.E and all the bull that’s going on.  I remember hearing about Bruce getting a full time job (not in his field) here in Richmond but soon after he was heading to Atlanta out of the blue.  Even though this happened a few years ago, I had to ask, “How did you get the courage to just up and leave Richmond where you were so comfortable and connected”?  Bruce told me that he was given the chance to intern in Atlanta for a large advertising agency.  He left his full time job and had to live in a hotel for 3 months making next to nothing.  All he could think about was proving to his self that he could make it in the advertising/marketing industry no matter what city he was in.  Long story short, he ended up getting a full time position with the company.

Bruce might not have known at that moment, but I was inspired by his story.  His leap of faith gave him the opportunity of a lifetime.  I’ve thought about that story quite a few times as I contemplate my own willingness to take risks.  Bruce has always been supportive of everyone he knows and really puts on for his city.  No matter where he ends up, he can’t leave Richmond behind. You can find him on the #RVAHappy video and his pictures on his Instagram account portray Richmond as an artistic, eclectic, diverse, and talented city.  A far cry away from the crimes and negative images you see on the 6 o’clock news.   Bruce said every man should own a copy of the book Rules of the Red Rubber Ball:  Find and sustain your life’s work by Kevin Carroll. I’m going to check out this book myself.   Bruce “The Mayor” Fields, I #SALUTE you today and say keep taking those risks and putting on for your city.  And maybe one day you will officially become the Mayor of Richmond.   The “street is watchin”! You can follow Bruce on Instagram @bofields to stay updated on the latest that Richmond has to offer!   -grannyBee

Dances with my father

I was at home a few weeks ago and my step-dad asked me when was the last time I had visited my father's grave. I shrugged it off and said "IDK". "Why", he asks. He then says, "you should try to get out there at least once a year".  I wonder what prompted him to ask me that.

My dad passed when I was 15. I didn't allow myself to grieve until about a week or two later.  That same day I went and cheered at a basketball game like nothing happened. I walked around in a daze. Didn't shed one tear. Not because of lack of love or anything, I loved my daddy to death. I think I just didn't know how and didn't want anybody to see me. I finally broke down at home and started having anxiety attacks. Luckily my step dad was there and talked me through it.

Well it's been almost 10 years and I can probably count on one hand how many times I visited his grave. No, I'm not cruel, we didn't have a bad relationship or anything like that. I'm just not one to go standing around at a grave trying to find comfort from a piece of granite.  Every Memorial Day my grandmother and other family members go out to our family plot and clean graves. They pick weeds, remove trash, etc. I never understood why they did that until this year.

As I Get older, I find my self tearing up inside and swallowing back a lump in my throat when I see children interacting with their fathers.  Things are happening and I get an urge to call my dad just to say hey. Sometimes at night, I just let it out silently and allow the tears to flow.  I cried after I graduated college, I cried after I met the former Gov Doug Wilder, I cry sometimes after watching something on tv.  I think grief lasts forever and I now know that it's ok to acknowledge those feelings.  That's how I get through. I smile and just say, "DAD"!  I say it out loud to hear myself and hope he hears it too. I think the hardest part of me getting older is knowing we only had 15 years together. 15 years of memories and love. Just knowing he didn't get to see me drive, date (he always said I couldn't date till I was 30), be a part of the Air Force JROTC ( I joined because he was in the air force ), see me graduate, help me move into my first apartment, etc.  I don't think of him as missing out on anything anymore; I just call him up in my bed, my secret place, and tell him about it!

I think the reason my family cleans off graves every year, is to let our ancestors know that somebody remembers them . Somebody remembers their legacy and loves them. Me and my mom were fussing when we went to my father's resting place and saw weeds and grass growing around other people's graves. We saw tire tracks like somebody just took a joy ride over graves. Every time I hear Luther Vandross's song "Dance With My Father", I cry. I love that song and that will always be our song.  It's crazy how people that haven't seen me since I was a a baby will ask, are you Randy's daughter? You look just like him! ( Got this yesterday). So when I'm having a moment, I'll go to my secret place and Dance With My Father, Randy Jerome Hurt.

Mr. Suave

I first met Ryan last year at a Richmond Young Professionals meeting. At the end, Ryan came over and introduced himself to me as he was the director of membership. Long story short, it turned out that we worked for the same company, same building, same floor, and sat a few feet away from each other.  I was also starting a development program at work the next day and he was one of the leaders!   First impressions are really important.  No matter where I see Ryan, he always has a smile on his face, is always dressed for an interview, his demeanor never changes, and he always has a minute to spare!     Ryan is originally from New Orleans (you can’t miss his strong, southern accent) and will quickly (but politely) educate you on the proper way to say it.  It’s not N’awlins or New Or-leens, simply New Or’lins (I think I got it right lol).  This brother has accomplished a lot to be under 30.

When Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005, Ryan and his family were hit hard.  He was a student at Tulane University and had to relocate to the University of Houston. Upon return to Tulane, he became a member of Kappa Alpha Si fraternity.  After Tulane cut his program he transferred to Vanderbilt University and received his Master’s in Electrical Enginieering.  He was an IT guru at my job but is now heading to the University of Chicago Booth School of Business to get his MBA.  This young man has been to London to the Olympics and plans to go to the United Arab Emirates/Dubai this summer.  He is always volunteering at work and outside of work, serves as a member of several boards, and again, always has a smile on his face.  He told me that after Katrina someone told him, “Although, you lost everything in Katrina, you and your family are alive, so you have nothing to complain about " and it changed his perception on what is truly valuable in his life.  I always tell Ryan, “I want to be like you when I grow up”.  

So today, I salute you Ryan and say goodluck on your new chapter! I will miss you my friend but know you are destined for great things.   I asked Ryan what is something that every man should have.  He responded, “A silk pillowcase”.  I literally laughed out loud when he emailed me that.  His explanation, “so that your significant other won’t mess up her hair”.  Only you Ryan lol.

#MCM

Man Crush Monday or #MCM is is the day we women celebrate some of God’s greatest specimen lol.  The guys we know the Lord took a little extra time in crafting, the ones we low-key have a crush on and want to let them know in a subtle way, our boyfriends, husbands, and the friend with access to the benefits (hehe).  Fellas, if You see the hashtag #MCM with a few smiley faces and if she throws the kissey face below a pic, you know you’re in there!   She’s flirting!



Anyway, last week I gave my very first #MCM to Ron Bass (@IamRonBass), a New York artist and designer on the rise.  I have been inspired by his work and humility and I can’t forget to mention his smile J .  I decided that I would highlight a few brothers I have met that have influenced me in some type of way.  These men are dedicated to service, educated, and future icons.  So each week I will highlight someone I know and hope you all enjoy!

 and here's my #mcm  from last week

Seasons

          The season is changing. Flowers are blooming, I can't seem to keep my car clean from the pollen, and my boots and jackets are still on standby. I change my clothes everyday, my mind every five seconds, and my nail polish every week.  These changes don't seem to bother us.  So why is it that for most of us, when our lives change drastically, we pretend like we can't bear it. We act like we don't deal with change everyday.  Here's why: most CHANGE is UNCOMFORTABLE .  Just think about it. Most of us rely on stability.  I took an in-depth personality test and one section was devoted to expose my negative behaviors. "When dealing with sudden change, Bianca tends to become irritable and resistant to rearranging familiar ways...she will try to rectify the situation immediately and feels threatened with shifting conditions" #BOOMMMM. Somebody called me out. This test READ me hunny! I took this test back in 2012 and sometimes refer back to it as a reminder of how I can improve my communication with others.

          In the last few weeks, I've been dealing with some major changes. I didn't realize how much it actually affected me until I got out of character.  I exploded. I've been trying to figure out why I was so angry. And it dawned on me that I was afraid of the unknown.  I have to start a new routine. I no longer have access to some of my old habits.  I'm no longer a part of the surroundings I was used to for some years.  A friend told me, "everything and every one has a season". As cliche as this is, it's true.  Change is inevitable. But what I've come to realize is that there's beauty in change.  Think about when a butterfly emerges from it's cocoon, a woman gives birth, and winter shifts into spring.  All of these are uncomfortable, even painful. But the end result outweighs those temporary feelings of anxiety, pressure, and fear.  Greater is always in the forecast.  My favorite song right now is by James Fortune. The lyrics say:

"Live through it
Grow through it
Get through it
You can make it if you just
Pray through it
Don't let this be the end for you.
So live through it."

Just know your greater is coming. Just when you're about to give up, a breakthrough will happen.  Live, grow, get, and pray through it. Embrace change. There's something beautiful waiting on the other side.



-grannyBee
         

What we talkin' bout?

“What shoes come out this weekend brah?”

“You see what happened on Housewives and Basketball LA?”

“Watch this video on World Star”

“Do it for the Vine”

“OOoooo Scandal is back on”

“Progress pic. (pics of ass in the gym)”

“Paula and Robin split? Whatttttt”

“You see such and such on Instagram?”

“Who hittin’ the bar tonight?”

Yadddaaaa Yaaadddaaaa blahhhhhhh blahhhh blahhh bullSHIT!

Yo! What are we talking about?  On an average day, I think I may spend about 30 minutes actually talking about something that could potentially add some value to my life or some one else’s.  The other 1,410 minutes is straight BS to pass the time, whether it’s my job or with my friends.  On a good day, I may be engaged in decent conversation forabout an hour.  I like to talk but, unfortunately it’s rare that I can pick up the phone or talk to someone face to face about anything substantial.  We gather around the TV to hold “Scandal” viewing parties, we check sneaker news websites to find out what shoes coming out, and send group messages if we want to know something we heard or seen on Instagram.  But ask somebody about the Jordan Davis case or to go to church with you and see how they swerve on you. (#BYEFelicia)

Last month, I had the opportunity to sit down with senators and delegates and talk about what we can do to improve our communities.  I met the 1st African American governor to be elected since the Reconstruction era Douglas Wilder (my grandma said his hands are soft lol) and Michael Rao, the current President of my alma mater, VCU.  Then, I attended the Black Youth Matter Rally in Charlottesville.  It was about 12 of us who had dinner afterwards at Mel’s Diner in Charlottesville.  We spent hours getting to know each other and expressing our passions.  Here I am in the midst of a high school sophomore, a young couple who own 2 successful businesses and home school their children, 2 cancer survivors, grad students, the man who put together the rally and operates a non profit organization, a future political game changer, and a rising humanitarian.  Don’t mistake, we had our share of laughs but it was so amazing to be amongst young people who were doers.  Actually, it was more of a relief!! I think the oldest person there was 32.  You know how much we can accomplish by having meaningful, actionable, and substantial conversations? Do you know how many of us walked away with inspiration, motivation, advice and new associates because of that conversation? It’s rare that I have the opportunity to talk to people who I can learn from, be inspired by and, challenge me to think.  I’ll be the first one sometimes to spark up a group chat or gossip but it’s all about balance.  I like chatting about celebrity gossip at work, being able to talk to friends via group chat about absolutely nothing but I YEARN for the opportunity to discuss social issues as well.  We definitely can’t rely on social media or TV shows to provide that balance. I challenge you (and myself) to engage in meaningful, actionable, and substantial conversation with someone at least once a week. Connect with people who share similar interests outside of your main network.  Out of 1,440 minutes that we have each day, how many words do we say that have some value? Today, I leave you with 2 things: a poem written by a friend of mine and a small piece of the conversation that took place in Charlottesville by William Jones.

Be blessed

-grannyBee

Backwards Oppression

I’m a part of a generation expected to save a nation

Where I’m told I’m free and taught to love my brother

And to raise my right hand say united we stand

But instead we choose to use abuse and kill one another

This is the era of the lost n every action has a cost

And a mans interest is considered thirst

Women televise ass with a shortage of class

Where everything black is perceived as the worst

The struggle is real as the pain I feel

For my brothers and sisters in the fight

It multiplies along with the lies

As we tell ourselves what we’re doing is right

We spit on the graves of runaway slaves

I swear Brother Martin would be ashamed

We love to complain and hear ourselves talk but hate to explain

Always in the wrong but are the last to be blamed

We chase cream and will kill a dream

As fast as a human blinks

We live for the tree and probably wouldn’t be free

If the chains were made of Cuban links……..

​-Sheron Jones

Black History

I’m at work with my daily coffee in hand, headphones on tuned into New York’s Power 105.1’s the Breakfast Club.  I get my LIFEEEEE from Charlamagne, the DJ Envy mixes, and interviews with Angela Yee.  But anyway, today at the end of the show, Charlamagne said something that stuck out to me.  “If you want new better Black History, create it”.  He said this after the crew presented Lil Terrio’s cameraman with the New Black History Month for “saving” the Vine app with his videos and creating the phrase we all know  “OOOOhhhh Kill Em”. I laughed, it was funny as hell.  But this did make me think, he’s absolutely right. 

February is the shortest month but one of the more exciting months.  You have the unofficial American holiday AKA the Super Bowl, the let’s fake like we drunk in love holiday Valentine’s Day, and the season where we all spend it before we get it, Tax SEASON.  We are so caught up that we neglect to celebrate our history, our culture.  We’re distracted with endless Instagram parody Meme’s and false facts.  I’m not gonna lie, I laugh at the pics that say “Jamal Willis, 1^st Black promoter to introduce the $20 skip line”.  (Funny as hell).  Black History month has become an extended episode of Saturday Night Live.

Where’s our identity? Where’s our culture?  How can we expect other cultures to RESPECT us when we are constantly DISRESPECTING ourselves? #message.  Where’s the pride? Where’s the HONOR? Nowadays, anything goes: Madonna and others freely toss around the N word like it’s just another noun, Zimmerman is allowed to participate in a “celebrity” boxing match after he claims he killed Trayvon Martin because he couldn’t defend himself. (Forgive my rant, that’s a whole ‘nother issue.  Like my friend said “when did he learn to fight all of a sudden?).  I’m not saying we all have to dress in Kenta cloths, do an African dance, eat fried chicken and watermelon (Just Kidding J), sing Kumbaya, or watch a ROOTS marathon on BET but at least be respectful.  I fear the day when the powers to be decide that Black History month is no longer relevant, when those few pages disappear from our history books, and Black History is absorbed into a McDonald’s commercial (oh that already happened) and an Instagram meme.. I say all that to say this, a lot of us say we’re tired of hearing about Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, and Madame CJ Walker.  How about we continue making history creating a new cultural identity? I don’t know about you but I want people to talk about me loooonggggg after I leave this earth.  It’s called a LEGACY.   It’s humorous and we all laugh but at some point we gotta  #DoBetter and #BEBetter.

-grannyBee

Dreams and nightmares

Dreams and Nightmares

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and the conversation turned to dreams and aspirations. He’s frustrated because he feels like no one around him understands his thought process.  He describes himself as “someone with talents in numerous areas with no push or inspiration to follow them...like a trail with no light”. You see, he has dreams of being his own boss and running his own corporation.  He thinks wayyyyyy outside of the box.We were talking for hours and I couldn’t figure out exactly what his issue was.  And then he said something like, “No one has ever believed in me”.

Damn……….

Why is that when people have the audacity to dream bigger than our perceived view on life, we laugh or try and tear them down?  The people around us can be the first ones to turn our dreams into NIGHTMARES.  I’ve been seeing examples of this all week and had a tough time trying to pen my thoughts on it.  Many of our friends and family are full of awesome ideas that never materialize into anything.  Why? Because of the naysayers, those who can’t see beyond their own circumstances and have restricted minds.  Someone probably told them that they would never amount to anything and that’s all it took for their dreams and ambitions to turn into a nightmare and eventually a life of regret and negativity.  I was watching an episode of Girlfriends and Toni was telling Joan that she wanted to open her own real estate office.  The first thing Joan did was warn her about the dangers of starting her own firm and to have something to fall back on when it failed.  In that moment, it dawned on me that I am Joan.  Instead of saying “That’s a great idea, I will support you”, she immediately started questioning and precautioning Toni’s dream.  I relate to Joan because she felt as if she was protecting her friend but forgot to be a friend. #MESSAGE. I have done this plenty of times and I apologize to anyone that has come to me with an idea and I first spit out precautions instead of praise!

We have to start encouraging each other: our kids, our loved ones, friends, strangers, and most importantly OURSELVES.  Just think of all the children that have grown up believing that they would never amount to anything and that they were not free to be the person they wanted to be.  I heard someone say that if they ever had an opportunity to meet Pres. Obama, they would ask him "Who told you that you could be president?”  All it takes is a small gesture or kind word to help someone. It’s called “Paying it forward”.  Don’t tear down someone else’s dreams because yours has been deferred.  If there’s no one in your environment encouraging and motivating you, maybe it’s time to move on.  Always remember to encourage yourself first. Here’s a clip from the episode of Girlfriends.  Skip to 5:45 and then 15:00 to hear the dialogue between Toni and Joan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZXfURKZup4

-grannyBee